Monday, September 9, 2013

Release the Ferrets!

I've never known much about ferrets. I knew they are small, furry creatures that look kind of like weasels, and I knew that they kind of smell.

That was about it.

So when a friend of mine recently asked if I would keep her ferrets while she went out of town for a week, I was uncertain. I said yes because that's what friends do. Little did I know what I would have in store...

Ferret Sitting: Morning 1.

Sinister ferret enjoys skittering around. Attempted to pat on head. Very bitey. Mellow ferret appeared to be missing from cage but turned out to still be asleep under heap of towels.

Went back upstairs and went into bathroom to get ready for work. Heard intense skittering from below. Went back downstairs to see what was afoot. Mellow ferret was attempting to wedge itself between litter pan and wall of cage.

Ferret Sitting: Evening, Day 1.

Brought ferrets upstairs to play. Ferrets discovered how to get inside kitchen cabinets while the doors were shut. Sinister ferret kept trying to crawl up my pants leg and bit me and husband 1,278 times each. (Note to self: research muzzles.) Mellow ferret tickled husband's feet. Sinister ferret climbed behind books in bookshelf and pushed them outward so it appeared that a ghost was pulling volumes out of the shelf. Ferrets wrestled with each other for several minutes and enjoyed climbing in and out of recycle bin. Had to put ferrets away when sinister ferret became too violent and was attacking husband.

Ferret Sitting: Day 2.

Closed all doors in hallway and let ferrets run around. Ferrets went back hallway. Suddenly all was very quiet. Suspecting that they fell asleep, I went to see what was going on. Discovered that Nathan's office door was ajar. Ferrets were frolicking among the contents of office. Put on hoodie to avoid being clawed and picked up ferrets one by one to return them to pens in the basement. Upon reaching sinister ferret's pen, sinister ferret latched onto hoodie sleeve with both hands and feet and would not let go, even when the wearer of the hoodie repeatedly shook arm to free herself from a ferret death grip.

Ferret Sitting: Day 3.

The siblings came over to visit the ferrets. The will-be-20-years-old-next-month brother made many terrified leaping pirouettes in the air as the ferrets attempted to bite his bare feet. The sister brought jingley-bells from home so the ferrets could play with them. Sinister ferret played heated game of soccer with them by nosing them across the carpet. The sister fell in love with the ferrets and says she would like to have one. The mother says no. The husband suggested purchasing a bee-keeping suit to wear while handling ferrets. I laughed.

Ferret Sitting: Day 4.

Husband mysteriously had a meeting to attend, so I had to handle ferrets alone. Built makeshift blockade between living room and dining room consisting of giant Rubbermaid container, recycle bin, old art kit, gallon of vinegar, various shoes, and a box (anything heavy that would fit in the opening). Ferrets wrestled with each other in litter pan and sent pellets flying everywhere. Chub (mellow ferret) wanted to listen to some Beethoven and got the CD out of shelf all by himself. Sinister ferret bit my finger. Ferrets got some old photographs out of the shelf and sniffed at them. Also caused avalanche of tea light candles while rummaging in cabinet.

Ferret Sitting: Day 5.

No significant updates. But I found that it is far easier to transport Stinker (sinister ferret) from the basement to the living room and vice versa by putting him into a carrier as opposed to holding him. I swear his parents were a snapping turtle and a piranha.

Ferret Sitting: Day 6. 

And then, at last, the ferrets went home. I kind of miss the chaos. [sniffles]

"Ferrets are like cats on meth." ~My Friend