Wednesday, May 15, 2013

You Might be a Dekkie if...

Or, "Signs you might be reading too much Dekker." If it is possible to do such a thing.

1. You visit the White House and wonder where the statue of Thomas Hunter went.

2. You wonder if the fancy writing journal you received for Christmas is actually a blank Book of History.

3. Your parish priest comes through your checkout line with duct tape and garden shears in his cart and you immediately call the cops.

4. Noxzema is your moisturizer of choice.

5. Steak and wine sounds like the perfect dinner.

6. The name "Eve" sends a cold chill down your spine. I see you, Daniel...

7. You've contemplated the possibility that you might be someone's multiple personality.

8. You have a fear of receiving a severed finger in the mail.

9. You think this is the dream.

10. You see someone buying a pack of Marlboro Blacks and for a split second you swore it said "Marsuvees."


11. You know the significance of the term "Blue Monkey."

12. You are a blue monkey living in a brown monkey world.

13. You have "Dekkerated" your office in Dekker quotes.

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14. You develop dry skin and immediately fear that you've become part of the Horde.

15. You hold a certain fondness for jumping into lakes.

16. You turn on the news hoping to hear updates about the Raison Strain, momentarily forgetting that it isn't real. OR IS IT?

17. You schedule your vacations and family events around Dekker book signings.

18. You really can't wait to die--but you mean that in a good way.

19. You're afraid that your evil clone is going to hunt you down and kill you.

20. The phrase "Wanna trip, baby?" makes you burst into fits of giggles.

21. You want this necklace.

22. People find you slightly unusual.

23. But you don't mind.

24. You've put more than 200 round-trip miles on your car to attend a Dekker event.

25. You come home from said event and find out that THIS is what your picture looked like:

That awkward moment when an author encounters another member of her species.



  1. This was hilarious, and makes me want to read Dekker. Thank you!

    1. His books are amazing! I would recommend starting out with the Circle series (Black, Red, White, and Green) because they are regarded as his greatest work.

  2. I'm so glad to have found another "Dekkie" person!! Greetings from Peru =)